“Let’s be honest, open and brave!”
So much of my life was spent in confusion, hidden anger and a desperate need to find happiness and a sense of belonging. As I look back, I realize that each day was a battle to feel at ease in my own skin—to feel that there was a reason and purpose for me being here. I didn’t know this was what was going on. I was so used to it that I thought it was normal to feel this way—that everyone had their “radar system” up and operating all the time.
Then, the life I managed to create over years of being brave, trying with everything I had and hurting with everything I didn’t have—which was an open and real love for my own being—came crashing down. My body and mind had had enough. I couldn’t keep pushing and powering through. I couldn’t keep playing a game that made no sense. The family and career, the trying to be successful and good, being the “hero” and the “victim,” no longer kept me going or allowed me to hide from my inner pain. My mind broke open and so did my soul. I wanted to quit. I wanted it done. I was exhausted. I could no longer pretend it was all going to be okay. Because it wasn’t.
Why? Because . . .